MB #090: The uncomfortable truths about fit dads that no one is talking about

Read Time: ~5 Minutes

"What's your secret to staying so consistent with fitness while juggling a family with 5 kids and your faith?"

Other dads ask me this often. I always pause, knowing my answer would disappoint him. Because my biggest secret is that there is a secret it seems, or at least no one is talking about it, but it’s really no secret at all. If you ask me, being a strong, capable father isn't about finding the perfect program — it's about doing the boring stuff, day in and day out.

But it’s also how you’re able to do the boring that’s interesting.

But most dads are consumed with finding some ‘hidden’ path to fitness. The shortcut. The hack. The magic workout, diet, etc.

I see this theme show up in the texts I get from friends, clients, and even at church: "What's your secret to staying lean and healthy with 5 kids?"

And the real answer is always the most boring one.

I train. I move. I eat healthy. Even when I'm tired from a sleepless night with the baby. Even when work is crushing me. Even when the kids are sick.

But, of course, that's not what people want to hear.

Here's what's funny but true — most strong, fit fathers aren't doing anything revolutionary. They're usually just doing boring things with an insane level of consistency. And they've built systems to make sure they don't miss.

My friend Zach was over for Shabbat dinner Friday night and described this reality. He owns and runs a large sawmill and is training a new employee. Zach normally wakes up at 3:30am to start the day with reading, prayer, and a workout before work at 6am.

This week while training this new employee he’s been getting up at 2:30am!

When I asked him about this he simply replied “I refuse to miss a workout if I’m healthy, even if I have to get up earlier than normal.” 

He’s a machine when it comes to evening routines and going to bed on time each night so he can make this work. No social media scrolling, no Netflix. He runs the same boring play, each evening.

But notice — the "secret" isn't just doing the boring work. It's building systems on top of the boring work that make it automatic.

We hate this reality though…

Here's what makes this truth so uncomfortable for dads: It strips away our best excuses.

Because when fitness requires some secret program, we can tell ourselves: "I just haven't found the right workout yet."

Or when it requires perfect circumstances, we can say: "I'm just too busy with the kids right now."

But when success comes from consistency with basic, boring actions? That's harder to rationalize away. Because the path is clear. But it's demanding of us something we’re unwilling to give.

All that being said, let’s take it a step further with what most fitness advice (even about the boring stuff) misses entirely: Systems without soul-work are destined to fail.

See, you can set up the perfect morning routine, prep all your meals, and pack your gym bag every night. But if you haven't done the deeper work of understanding what's really driving your actions – or your resistance to them – those systems will eventually crumble.

I learned this the hard way. For years, I'd start strong with new systems, only to find myself sabotaging them weeks later. It wasn't until I began examining the deeper issues that things finally clicked:

- Why did I really want to be fit? Not the surface answers, but the core truth?

- What beliefs about myself were holding me back?

- When I used to pass the pantry and always felt the need to grab a handful of chips, what’s actually going on in those moments? What story am I believing?

- What messages from my past—subconscious storylines shaped by experiences, observations, or things I was told about health, strength, or self-discipline—are still influencing my actions today?

- How were my current habits serving me, even if they were hurting me?

This inner work revealed uncomfortable truths.

And most men are afraid of what they’ll find or what they’ll need to do to actually undo these inner obstacles. It’s much easier and much more comfortable to just avoid this work all together. (which keeps men cyclically stuck…)

These subconscious patterns?…They are stronger than any morning routine you could possibly design. So I recommend you deal with them…

Start Here:

1. Journal on this question: "If I became the strongest, healthiest version of myself, what would I have to face that I'm currently avoiding?"

2. Examine your self-talk during the day. What stories do you tell yourself about who you are and what you are/are not capable of?

3. Look at your patterns: When do you most often quit or skip? What emotions or situations precede these moments?

4. Consider your models: What did you learn about physical health and strength from your father? Your faith community? How are these messages still influencing you?

This is deep work, brothers. It's the kind of work that transforms not just bodies but legacies. It's why in our Mission-Fit Dads program, we spend as much time on mindset and heart work as we do on food and movement. Because:

Do the inner work. Start today.

Then pick your boring basics and get good at them. Then build systems that make showing up automatic. Here are some basic examples:

1. For Morning Training — Clothes laid out night before, pre-workout and Bible by the coffeemaker, first alarm is prayer time, second alarm is go-time. No phone until after training.

2. For Nutrition — Sunday meal prep while kids help, protein shakes mixed night before, water bottles filled and lined up, snacks packed alongside kids' lunches.

3. For Recovery — Evening mobility work during kids' bath time, foam rolling during family movie night, early bedtime non-negotiable, Saturday morning family hike or active recovery.

So what's the real secret?

There isn't one. Just like I tell other dads, success in fitness as a father is usually a result of the mundane, daily actions that compound over time combined while facing your inner issues - we all have them. And the path isn't hidden — it's just boring and uncomfortable enough that most dads won't stick with it long enough to see results.

So do the inner work and then get good at boring. Really good at it. Better at boring than your excuses.

And then build systems that put your boring work on autopilot.

Because boring, executed systematically, becomes extraordinary. And your family deserves a father who's strong enough to carry both their emotional and physical needs.

That's all for today, brothers.

Train hard, pray harder.

PS: Hit reply - What's one "boring basic" you're committing to this week in your fitness journey?

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